PHOTOS

Sorry to disappoint you, but these are not photos of me. The advent of the mobile phone/camera has

meant that I can at last capture for posterity some of the absurd things that delight me almost daily.

Unfortunately, I was not able to get a photo of a road sign I saw in Australia that read:-

NO PINEAPPLES BEYOND THIS POINT

(I'm sure there is a very good reason for it) or the sign on a new motorway near London:-

EMERGENCY TOILETS 20 MILES

or a sign on a bridge in Munich which reads (in translation):-

YOU JUMP OFF THIS BRIDGE AT YOUR OWN RISK

Anyway, here are few I managed to snap. The quality is not good in all cases, but they

are all equally ridiculous!

If you have similar photos that you would like to add to this page, I'd be delighted to

add them with a suitable credit. Please e-mail a jpeg to AngloMusicPress@aol.com

And you cant spell

No comment needed

Saw this slot machine in Vegas and it summed the

town up. Why not use a picture of the Sphinx?

Not a humourous photo but this is the new Wembley

Stadium's first public event. (I went as I live two

minutes away from it).

The original stadium had hotels and a conference

centre and would cost £650,000,000. "Too expensive"

the Government said, "Let's just have a stadium".

They redesigned it and it cost £750,000,000

Never tried squah - suppose it's a bit like squash

When I saw this, I was convinced 'queueing' was

misspelt. But the dictionary says you can apparently

spell it however you like! There is no right way

Sign at a not-very-good hotel near my home. The

buffet must be spectacular!

ONE YEAR LATER

They seem to have had a change of policy. I hope

the quality hasn't suffered......

I wish I could tell you these cats are called Yin and

Yang, but they're not!

(from Hiromi Kurosawa)

Sad ! Sometimes life is like that........

These days there are so many things we're not

allowed to do, it's refreshing to know that it's OK

to speak to the driver's vision while the bus is not

moving........

Not a photo, but a genuine letter from the Arkansas

Democrat newspaper 24th April 2007..................

LETTERS

Daylight exacerbates warming

You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two.

This should come as no surprise to any reasonable person. As you know, Daylight Saving Time started almost a month early this year. You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate. Or did they?

Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far-reaching effects.

CONNIE M. MESKIMEN

Whoever put the first lamp-post in did a good job.

Whoever put the second one in should have really

made a couple of phone calls first.....

13, presumably.......

Shop sign in Cairo - I'm sure they don't mean they

want to stop all those things (maybe they do?) and

it's a cheap shot to criticise their spelling as my Arabic

is also a bit rusty, but you'd think that Pepsi (who

presumably paid for the sign) could do better, wouldn't you?

Or perhaps they can't spell Coke, either...........

Now appearing all over London, these new pedestrian

signals are aimed at reducing congestion in our capital

by painlessly eliminating confused tourists.

That's right - self-belief can work wonders.....

Whoever decided on this domain name (found on a

tennis net) was a bright cookie - love it!

Couldn't quite get a photo of Harrow's local villains

quaking in their boots - or were they simply shaking

with laughter....?

Call me old-fashioned, but I think £5.95 is a tad

too much for a free drink a and fine burger, no matter

how fine it may be.

My charming wife is a wonderfully inventive cook. We are

planning to publish a glossy book of her recipes to catch the

Christmas market, but for the time-being, here is a recipe for

BACON SURPRISE - pictured above (serves 12)

1) Heat a large saucepan

2) Open a bottle of wine

3) Watch Big Brother till you smell burning

4) Look for anything that has just passed its 'best before' date (in this case, bacon, sweet corn and rice)

5) Mix together in (now-burnt) saucepan till none of the ingredients is recognisable

6) Have another glass of wine

7) Watch more Big Brother

8) Doze for 20 minutes

9) When woken by smoke alarm, have another glass of wine and look for the kitchen

10) Remove saucepan from the heat

11) Hold burn on left wrist under a cold tap for two minutes

12) Mix contents of saucepan a bit more, but only if this is possible

13) Add half a bottle of ketchup to taste

14) Serve a large helping to your husband and son and make yourself a cheese sandwich, accompanied by a nice glass of wine

At £9999.00, this seems a bit expensive to me - as well as a bit dangerous to have about the house.

Much as I'd love a priceless Vampire Varghulf, I think I'll stick to hamsters .... as he probably does.

I suppose it doesn't actually say '24 hours a day' .....

The lower sign is, I grant you, meant to be helpful - but it's not that difficult to work out!

I despair about this one! We are all used to firms using numbers for

words:- Phones4U or Buy2Save for example - but this is incredible!

To explain a little, those blessed with a 'London' accent (and all

footballers, apparently) pronounce 'three' as 'free' so the above is:-

Flow Free Drains and Freephone... I can't bear to say any more....

Sorry about the quality of this one, but the words on this helicopter

in our wonderful Royal Air Force Museum read:-

WARNING KEEP CLEAR OF ROTOR BLADES

I'd have thought this would be covered in basic training to the point that

it wasn't actually necessary to paint this on the helicopters themselves......

The Norwegians are really great! The city of Stavanger has a small

harbour. These steps lead down to the water and the burghers

have kindly put in little steps so the ducks can climb out. Love it !!

True...................

What can I say? You can't say it's not 100% accurate....

You can't be too careful, can you?

I feel I'm missing out here. I need a detailed list at the very least.....